I Hate Everything About You
by Keiko Yuki
Summary: Songfic:: Draco is wondering about the situation he's in with Harry. Unrequited love is painful. HD slash


(I Hate) Everything About You

* * *

A set of green curtains closed off the young teenager from the dorm mates he'd known for the past seven years. He could not really call the boys his friends. He couldn't really confide in them because they would not understand him or what he was going through. Living with someone in the dorm of a high-class school didn't mean that they understood. Draco Malfoy was a very private person and he preferred to be left alone while in his room. Settling down onto his bed, Draco kicked off his shoes as he put a new CD into the player he'd stolen from a muggle-born Hufflepuff.

_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

Odd music wove itself through Draco's ears as he lay quiet in his four-poster bed. His thoughts suddenly began raging within his mind. He was a sight to behold, the headphones stood in a dark contrast to his platinum blond hair. The music pouring from them was loud and evoked very unwelcome feelings from within him. He'd never heard this song before and he found that he both loved and hated it. That was the point, really, and that was why the feelings swelled from his heart. The feelings were unwelcome, but they always had been and yet they never disappeared. Grey eyes hid behind pale lids as he focused on the unfamiliar yet grudgingly fitting words.

_Every roommate kept awake_

_By every sigh and scream we make_

_All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you yet_

It was an odd feeling, really, to hear a song that seemed to talk about something so familiar that you had to have lived through it. Images flitted through his mind of sleepless nights and waking up from dreams drenched in sweat and crying out. He thought about his dorm mates listening to him writhe and moan in his sleep. Those disquieting nights in which he'd dreamt about that certain person he'd hated for seven years. He quickly and miserably focused on stopping the blush from staining his cheeks. What his friends must think of him, for surely they could hear the desperation he felt during and after those dreams. His full, pink lips pulled downward into a frown as the words melted back into his subconscious.

_Only when I stop to think about it_

This was the problem. Draco was thinking about the situation, the feelings, the person that was thoroughly confusing him to the point of insanity.

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

Draco fought the urge to rip the headset from his ears and hurl it through the curtains and against the wall opposite his bed. Why did he have to fall in love with the person that he hated most? Why did his life have to be so difficult? He hated that black hair that was always messy, hated the green eyes that were always glaring at him, hated the lips that were always pursed with anger and so... fucking... kissable.

_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

They'd fought just that morning, Draco thought idly as he moved to touch the lip that still smarted. He ran his tongue over it distractedly and frowned at the coppery taste of old blood. It was his raven-haired nemesis' fault anyway, he consoled himself. His tongue flicked across his bottom lip once more and he groaned at the swelling that was still there. He couldn't help but remember the look Potter had given him, half in tears as he tackled him to the ground.

_Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

Tears prickled at the corners of Draco's eyes as he curled inward on himself. He felt sick all of a sudden but the music still roared into his ears.

_Only when I stop to think_

_About you, I know_

_Only when you stop to think_

_About me, do you know?_

What if Potter really did share Draco's feelings? What if, when Potter had told him that he didn't want to fight anymore, he'd really meant it? What would have happened if Draco had not have insulted his family once again? Would Potter have reconciled with him?

Draco wanted to just get it over with. He wanted to walk up to Potter, grab him by the shirt and slam him against the wall. He wanted so many things that he couldn't possibly get because he didn't have the strength to deal with the consequences. How could Potter know how deeply Draco felt for him? How much he wanted to claim Potter as his own? How much he _yearned_ to finally know what he tasted like?

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_You hate everything about me_

_Why do you love me_

No, it would never work. He couldn't possibly tell Harry how he truly felt. They had too much history. Such a brutal, fierce, violent history could not possibly be completely rewritten. It had escalated far too much, had lasted far too long, to be taken down and rebuilt into something newer, more beautiful and far more satisfying. There was no way the wounds they had inflicted upon each other could be healed.

_I hate_

_You hate_

_I hate_

_You love me_

But if Potter did love him. Oh, if Potter did love him then Draco wouldn't have to hide behind these walls of lies and hurt. Draco could be himself and live a life loving the person he yearned for the most. Harry Potter.

The only problem was that Draco Malfoy hated Harry Potter. And, sadly, Harry Potter hated Draco Malfoy. Their hate reached into their hearts and held on with such a tight ferocity that they had learned to deal with their love by hurting each other. This was never _ever_ going to change. Draco knew this and as he curled in on himself, the fading notes of the song were drowned out by the sobs that Draco finally let escape his tired body.

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

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Author's Note: I wrote this a while ago after seeing a video on youtube (can't remember which one) using this song with the pairing Harry/Draco. I thought about how perfect the song was for these two and had to write a one-shot at least! This is what came out of it. Please read and review! 


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